A few months ago we had a little girl, Nora. Due to complications in my pregnancy I had to deliver at 5 1/2 months. Nora had too many problems and was too little. She was stillborn. This blog is for her and for me especially to express and to heal from losing her. I LOVE YOU NORA.
GRIEF WEBSITES
A Guide of How you can be a Support and Friend to your Loved ones who are Grieving.
This list is a guide to supporting a friend or loved dealing with grief. It is from another girl who lost a baby to kidney failure. When I read it the only thing I would add if I had written it myself would be "AMEN" so I thought I'd share it with you.
I know a lot of people "don't know what to say/do" so they just don't do anything. Not doing anything is the wrong answer. Hopefully this will help you to help your loved ones throughout their journey of grief.
1. First and foremost, TALK about the loved one who's passed. Even if its uncomfortable at first, it will become easier.
2. If you didn't know the person who has passed, or know them very well,ask to hear about them and learn of them through stories.
3. Don't ever put a time line on someone's grief.
4. Cliche statements such as, "They are in a better place" really aren't comforting. It makes the bereaved feel like the place they had with them wasn't good. This also goes for "At least they aren't in pain anymore" "Heavenly Father needed him/her" "His/her mission was over" "At least now you don't have to worry about them anymore". Pretty much if it begins with "At least..." or "But...", just don't say it.
5. If you don't know what to say, just say, "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."
6. If the person needs to analyze the circumstances surrounding the death, just let them talk and rehash anything as many times as they need to. (its all part of cleaning out that closet!)
7. Don't assume they are ever "better." It never gets better and will be a part of them for the rest of their lives.
8. Don't underestimate how frazzled, tired, absent-minded & spacey grief can make someone.
9. Please be sensitive in what e-mails you forward to someone who is grieving. Pseudo-religious stories about "faith" or "counting your blessings", and/or pictures of dying or suffering people (in my case, specifically children), can really hurt.
10. Instead, send personally written cards, e-mails, or a small treat. Even a simple handwritten "I am thinking about you today" can mean a *lot* to someone who is grieving. It is often the simplest words and gestures that have the biggest impact.
11. Do not, I stress, do not get offended if your loved one doesn't answer his/her phone or return your calls or e-mails. Don't assume that they don't appreciate your effort! Sometimes they just don't want to put on a "happy voice" right then or burden you with what they are feeling.
That's a beautiful headstone and you look beautiful as well.
ReplyDeleteShaylee
What a beautiful picture Whit! Just want you to know we are thinking of you and sweet baby Nora this week. And I am sending you some oranges from my backyard (really this time) :) We love you guys!
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